In memories of my late love Ekram bin Misri

I guess this blog has become like a normal blog after all. When is it the last time that I wrote more than year ago maybe?. A year has thought me a lot some may say I wasn't thankful due to my previous post but I am very thankful for what I have right now. I had problems with people but at the end they are the reason I am here and I am still friends with them and to anyone who thinks I don't love my family I do very very much they are the reason I'm still standing today. I think the past should be left to the past. Why do I say they are the reason I am still standing? Because last three weeks I just lost my boyfriend to an accident. We were together for 1 year 4months and 9 days to be exact. I'm not the kind of person who likes to talk around about our relationship but I guess this is kind of a tribute to him. in his memories. Yes he is my first and he will stay there in my heart forever as my first love. We met in 30/4/2012 at a badminton tournament, he was a player for yellow team and I was a supporter for blue team. I was introduced to him by my friend from a yellow team. At first I didn't like him as much because he was too friendly to my liking but it just went from there and I met him again after work to invite him for an open house. From there onwards our relationship grew closer and I asked for his help to deal with another guy but eventually he asked me to become his girlfriend. It was fast but both of us weren't serious about it not until I stopped working and went to college. Now I'm in good terms with everyone. Our relationship was sudden and the ending is also sudden that it is still a shock. I thought it would end that way but the further I am the more I needed him. My mum loved him from the first time she met him because he is so easy to approach and very helpful. He is the kind of guy that can't bear to see people having a hard time. If I'm hungry he will come to me with nasi bungkus :). If I needed something he would offer to buy it for me but since I never had a relationship before, I don't really know how to react. He is willing to bring me to anywhere I wanted to. In september, we fought and make up a lot because long distance is really testing us.It is hard to trust him sometimes but now I felt sorry not to trust him 100%. He was a caring brother that took care of all his siblings. His younger brother does everything with him that sometimes when I'm on the phone with him at night I can hear his bro's voice nagging at him to be quiet. Thankfully the day before he died, we were in good terms, we went to sunway to accompany me to listen to a uni talk so he acts as my guardian. He was so sweet to me saying that I looked beautiful that day maybe because he hasn't seen me for so long. I wasn't suppose to be home that weekend but I just insist on going home because I missed him too much and thankfully I did come home. I was wearing the exact same shirt when we first went out together to genting where he said he fell for me. He was wearing the shirt that I gave him and finally I said his hair looked nice after months of nagging at his hairstyle. That night he asked me to join his family to eatch a football tournament but I said I had to accompany my mum to a wedding and he said it's okay but how about tomorrow can you make it for lunch? I refused again since my aunt is coming little did I know he won't be able to make it at all. The next day I woke up and tried calling him like I always do but nobody picks up the phone but sometimes he keft his phone somewhere so I just assumed that he will call me later. I was waiting alone for my aunt when a doorbell came and two guys stood outside my house. Since I was alone, I didn't dare to open the door and the guy said he was looking for my dad so I said yes why? He continued saying he needed to talk to amalina and I said it's me. Noticing I'm not going to open the gate he said "your friend Ekram just passed away" I couldn't believe my ears and I opened the gate. In my head it just that who are these guys to tell me that my boyfriend died? Are they scammers? But the  I saw he was my schoolmate apparently he was the neighbour my late boyfriend was talking about. They said he got into an accident and died on the spot that morning. I broke into tears, my hands trembling, my heart shattered and my feet couldn't hold my body anymore. I don't want to believe the news he was safe and sound alive yesterday. We were just smiling at each other less than 24 hours ago. I took Ekram's dad's phone number and called him. When his mum talked to me, she said " amalina, ekram is no longer with us" I knew it was the bitter truth that I never imagined will happen to me. She siad come to the hospital he's here. The moment I heard the news I wanted to rush to him to see with my own eyes to confirm that this is not a joke but eveybidy asked me to wait for my larents to come home. I called my mum but she didn't pick up because they were at a different hospital so I called my dad. He didn't want to talk but I was crying and said that Ekram is gone, he got into an accident. everybody was shocked and my parents rushed to pick me up. When we got to the hospital, my legs are moving by itself and I hugged his mum. He always loved his mum and she said you missed the body just now. You will have to wait for the autopsy to be done. I was crying none stop my prayers with him reciting yaasin for him. Not until two hours later the autopsy is done and my dad and brither went inside to help the other guys with the body. I waited until my dad comes out and called for me to see his last face. That time I couldn't bring myself, my dad held on me tight and I saw him. It's actually him layimg there so peaceful so beautiful but not smiling at me. I went to his mum's side and hold on tp her tight. I was just staring at him without blink and muttered my last words to him " assalamuailkum sayang, I love you" our usual goodbye but this time there's no reply. Until the last person saw his face, they closed him with a white cloth and we prayed. Then his body was brought to his hometown. The hometown that he always wanted to bring me to but never have a chance to. Never knew I would step into the house the first time this way. Introduced officially to his family this way without him by my side. There were lots of people at his house. He was so loved but I didn't know any of them except his close family. We were two person of different background, eberything was different for us that people wondered why did we get together? Love was the only thing that pulls us through. He picked me up when I no longer believe in love. We didn't have much time, our time was short that there's so many things to learn about each other. I followed his funeral until the end until they buried him. That day even breathing was hard and now I will just have to bite my teeth to help me go through. There's not a single day that I don't miss him. Sometimes I wished that he just got into an accident and needed surgery that I will be able to help him no matter what just a little more time with him but fate and god knows best. It is easier for him to go that way. I hope it was easy for him. Losing him was a turning point of my life, it made me realise that death doesn't care about age he was juts 20. This year was the last and only birthday that I get to celebrate with him. It made me closer to Allah. I take this as a lesson, that Allah still loves us and loves him. Allah wanted us to be closer to Him. I knew about his past but I believed in him because I believe in secnd chances. Everybody deserves to have a second chance to make things right. He loved me and he always said I was his last and I never took it seriously. I was truly his last. He always wanted lots of children. He loved children so much that he will just say hi to any child he saw. Today it hasn't been a month yet that he left us and I've grown closer to his family. He thought me the value of life that materials are not everything but how we help someone else, how we loved someone else matters more. His younger brother has his eyes and I love looking at his younger brother's eyes. He has this big droopy eyes with brown orbs and long lashes that I always envied. He was tall and lean that I will look short next to him. That day when I met his mum, she gave me his teddy bear that he always slept with although it sounded cute for a guy with a huge teddy bear, at least I have something to hug at night since now there's no one to help me sleep. Thank you sayang for your love and attention. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. He was part of my family and he will always be. I love you sayangku Ekram bin Misri.

In loving memories 19/4/1993-29/9/2013

My SPM story..

Just now I read a few blogs about how they are happy or dissappointed when they get straight a's in spm...It does made me think a lot..I know this post doesn't fit with my purpose of my blog but I just wanted to write..
I got 10 A+ for my spm and I was happy but...do you want to know what I really felt?after that..for a while I felt empty..blank..because for the whole 2 years getting straight A+ is my goal and I haven't really decided on my next goal..everyone is asking what offer are you taking but seriously I haven't receive any offer..My will to succeed was because I wanted to study overseas but suddenly it strucks me that 10 A+ doesn't promise you a scholarship...It's true that sometimes you are only doing this for someone else..for me it is for my parents my mum especially because my dad is too busy...I love my family.my mum she's very competitive around her friends..she wanted me to be the best but sometimes I am just tired..That's why I love entertainment so much...They don't know how much it has made me who I am now...they keep me sane because you know what knowing people with that same interest that doesn't care about how many A's u get in your spm..we just love to be together...Yes about losing friends that most said when they wanted to achieve...It does happens..I had a hard time with one of my bestfriend and a hard time because of my crush but at the end I still thank him because he actually helped me study in the evening but now I realized that he's maybe not for me..I got betrayed and backstabbed so many times during my spm year that my heart turned cold..I can't cry anymore sometimes I think I've forgotten how to cry..If you want to create friends and have all the fun let me tell you something they won't be there for you all the time and I am thankful that I have a sister..we fought a lot but at the end she is the bestest friend I've ever had..Being a braniac will make you have a hard time to find a boyfriend for a reason that I don't know...But above all I think I've lived my high school years to the fullest though I do regret I face trouble furing my last days in school..I balanced my school life with my social life...I studied when I wanted to and when I needed to...At school I'm not the clique but I was known as the brain so they think I'm a nerd with glasses but when I go out..I didn't wear glasses and fashion is my hobby...I go for vacation with my family 3/4 times per year so I don't believe that when you skip a week of school is the cause of you failing in spm..because it is not an overnight thing...I went to concerts,camps and skipped tuitions when I'm tired because to me what's the point of going to tuition when you are just counting what is the time to go home?you are just forcing yourself..Anything that doesn't come with a will won't succeed..I was not the brightest student during my elementary and lower form but then I have a goal..It keeps me going and I do work hard because I am not a genius.and lastly prayers...pray a lot to Allah..he can do anything that you can never imagine..I prayed everyday because he knows what you want but isn't it better if you asked him directly?...but I'm just telling you that getting straight A+ is not everything but it is something..don't lose yourself during your way to succeed in spm...You may feel great after getting good results but later you'll always find someone that is better than you..find something that you love and strive towards it..I joined lots of clubs and communities but always balance yourself..thankfully I have my sister who always gives me advice that sometimes I don't want to hear but I need...

Sunflower cupcakes

It has cookies on top as the flower base

Cuppies

Here are red velvet and strawberry chocolate small ones..rm2.50 each

Cupcakes order available!!

Well actually here is my artwork blog but since I loved cooking as well I tend to write some food related as well..bear with me ok?:)..this is the cupcakes order that I receive..
I sell these for
Small:rm2.50 each
Big:rm3.50 each
There's a few recipes that I do:-

-red velvet

top left:cookies and cream

top right:strawberry chocolate

bottom left:double choc

bottom right:hummingbird

-cookies and cream

(pic to be posted)

-s'mores

-strawberry cupcakes

-chocolate and vanilla buttercream

-mint

-apple crumble cupcakes

(the picture is actually the post just before this under my sis's birthday but that's one whole cake the cupcake version hasn't been updated yet)

-german chocolate

-hummingbird

lemon chocolate

this is carrot cake..well this one u can order either cake or cupcakes

*sometimes I tend to experiment as well so any recommended recipes I may try as well

*note that decoration may vary time to time..it can depend on request as well but if it involves fruits or some expensive things the price may increase

-this is one of the examples for decorations that I did.

this is our signature swirl on buttercream..

please note that I may not accept every orders as it may overlaps with my studies..:)

anything to ask you can ask me on my twitter http://twitter.com/#!/leena94

Sister's birthday cake

This is a german chocolate cake...I made our normal chocolate cake recipe.Then I cut it in half and put the german chocolate ganache which was made from butter,milk,sugar,wallnuts/pecans,driedcoconut and vanilla..then I covered the cakr with italian meringue chocolate buttercream.Finally,pour over chocolate ganache over the cake!!!and decorate as I wish which I use cream cheese in this case..isn't it beautiful?

Trial spm exam

The question I chose was ayam serama di atas pokok tumbang dan ditepi sungai yg terdapat rumpai air...some people really know how ro use the wet on wet technique but for me I mixed all the techniques I know and it became like this...I finish in 2 and half hours ans start mingle around...

Btw I can't wait to finish my spm but really need to study then I can work yay..study!study!study!